WATERFALL

2002/3 winter newsletter

Recent zendo talks by Eshin on sitting, zazen and practise

2002.10.26

When we are practising sitting we are simply practising being more at ease, more at home, in simply being ourselves seamlessly with everything.

The way we’ve grown up, the way we’ve been educated, we get so distracted. We’re not even aware how much we’re distracted!! Sitting makes this apparent. Distractions simply indicate that we need to practise, to trust being more fully present with this moment, being at one as this moment. In the zendo we practise in very simple surroundings. It’s a place without many distractions. In the beginning it’s easier to get in touch with this natural quality of being present when we’re in a simple, quiet place.

As we get in touch with this way of being, which is simply to be centered, we find it’s always been there. Yet we forget, we get pulled off center so much. Later we more consciously practise in more complicated, noisier, situations, in the events of our ordinary lives. The practise here is also to be truly present. Not too tight in a way where we don’t open to where we are, who we’re with, or how we may respond. Not too loose that we become scattered, distracted, and off-center.

In learning to sit as this moment we find ourselves beginning to trust who we are. This is not necessarily the idea of who we think we are. There is no need to be anyone other than the one just sitting. This has a presence and radiance; it is not just quietly sitting. We could say we allow ourselves to embrace this moment with everything and everyone in it and at the same time this moment, with everything and everyone, embraces us. It’s two way. We don’t have to force too much the including of everything because, in fact, everything is including us. Thus we come to trust to be more at ease in the situations we find ourselves.

This is our practise. As we practise we become more capable in practising. This is truly finding ourselves.

2002.10.27

When we practise sitting we are actually practising being a very ordinary, natural human being. In practising sitting we’re practising becoming at ease, more at home, with where we are, with everything and everyone. We’re also practising being more at ease, more at home, in simply being ourselves in this moment. It isn’t just being at ease with ourselves as a separate person, it’s being at ease with ourselves seamlessly with everything in this moment. Sometimes people make too much of Buddhism or Zen as some ‘thing’. They use special words like samadhi. Zen is simply not apart from ourselves as a human being in the circumstances of our life. It’s a way of practising our lives and ourselves. Zen brings out more fully what is more authentic, more genuine.

In sitting we do something very simple in an environment where we’re not so easily distracted from the outside, as we so often are in the busyness of our lives. We first learn not to be distracted from the outside. As we sit we also learn not to be so distracted by what goes on inside our minds yet we don’t stop thinking or feeling. Along the way we find ways of not getting so caught up in our habits, things from the past, getting distracted. We become free. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s with difficulties. These influences from the past prevent us from trusting ourselves being together with where we are. Eventually we do come to trust ourselves together with the circumstances of this moment.

Sitting is both a natural and effective way of coming home to what is originally in us, and has always been in us, which somehow we’ve forgotten.

This is not all there is to practise. Once we catch this foundation of ourselves, of being ourselves seamlessly with this moment and everything in it then we begin practise in the activities of our lives. This is practising being more centered in the activities of our lives, being more open, to embrace and be embraced by the various situations and circumstances that we find ourselves in.

We say practise because in practising we become free of what hinders us, what makes us doubt ourselves. Practising to find ourselves, to come home to ourselves.

This, really, is the most important thing in our lives. It deeply resolves the question ‘Who am I?’ We practise the circumstances of our lives because there is no other thing than the circumstances of our lives. Certainly not the fantasies and dreams we may have of it.

We find ourselves more fully as we practise our lives, as we embrace and are embraced by the different circumstances. It’s up to us to find our way. No one is going to do it for us. We find our way – not to be a different person – but to find ourselves.

2002.11.09

A traditional analogy for Buddhism is a pharmacy. A collection of antidotes and medicines to make us whole again. One medicine we use is true sitting. True sitting does not mean sitting quietly or blankly. Sitting may be difficult at first, we tend to start with our energy up in our heads, we think so much about things. Somehow we find a way of simply trusting being ourselves with no need to be doing anything besides just sit here completely with this moment and everything that’s in this moment. Little by little this does come about because originally we are already complete, but we don’t fully trust that. Various things on the shelf in this pharmacy can help. One that’s helped me a lot is breathing practise. People may use breathing in a mechanical way. This may steady and focus the mind but one ends up just doing a mechanical exercise. Our mental energy is usually scattered, thoughts everywhere. Counting breaths may be fine to become steadier, more centered, but we should then give a feeling attention to the breath, breathing in and breathing out. The breath is our friend. If we do this carefully, giving feeling attention to breathing in and breathing out, we relax and trust being in our body, to be ourselves in the posture of sitting. The breath cycle brings forth the presence that does not doubt just sitting.

The breath cycle has two sides to it. Breathing in and breathing out. Breathing is a very concrete expression of ourselves. There are two sides to the activity of ourselves.

One side is that there is no need to assert ourselves. When we breathe this way we are seamlessly with everything. We’ve let go the sense of ‘myself’, of being separate from where we are. We let go into embracing this moment. To embrace this moment is also the same as allowing ourselves to be embraced by this moment. There is no need to be apart from this moment.

The other side of the activity of ourselves, the other cycle of the breath, is to assert ourselves. It’s to not doubt the presence and activity of ourselves. This is a rising energy, the energy of our spine that brings forth ourselves together with everything. This self has arisen from the seamless ground of oneness. Others are arising together with us distinctly as themselves.

Having arisen with others fully then there is no need to do this anymore. We’ve fully manifested ourselves. We turn, so to speak, to find the ease or coming home to no longer needing to be ourselves because we’re seamlessly with this moment, this moment is seamlessly with us. This point of being at one with is not permanent, oneness breaks apart and distinct selves appear. We arise together, each distinct, looking at each other within the one matrix.

Both activities need to be practised, the side of oneness, the side of distinctiveness - sometimes one, sometimes two. In truth these are not two separate sides, just the two interwoven activities of our one self - not one, not two.

We could also say at times we do the practise of giving of ourselves to where we are and what we’re doing, we become one with where we are and where we are becomes one with us. Then there are times when we break forth within this oneness, facing others, even opposing others, everyone distinct as themselves until there’s no need to do this activity of being ourselves any more and we can rest and allow the other activity to arise.

This, in Zen, is called putting down deep roots. Catching or grasping the principle of ourselves and our lives. In Zen we’re not told how to be a person (however, we might be told what to do if we’re making a big mistake and cannot see it).

We practise this principle in all the various things we do during the day. Our life becomes clearer because we practise being clear, at one with the various situations that we find ourselves. In our lives we continually create ourselves anew, so to speak, to be reborn in the various situations. We come forth free of having to be one way or another; we arise with a heart-felt feeling of others because we’ve arisen together from one space. This is true love. Our various life experiences guide and teach us how to be. We learn from mistakes. We might think that we’re fixed in various ways, that we have a set character. But with that character we can respond various ways depending on the circumstances that we find ourselves in. This is to have a heart-felt response for others because we’ve all appeared from the one ground. What makes us grow and develop is to have a spirit of being involved in the circumstances of our life and let the circumstances of our lives teach us to find who we can truly be.

Gareth

Everything Alive

Your smiling radiant

face for years a mask,

two dimensions I saw

only objects in my universe

now yours, too, radiant

eyes behind which burn

alive. You are!

The birds singing the roar

of cars and children

singing. Everything

buzzing alive.

To Home

Waves
  rolling over,
  rolling in waves,
more waves crashing
  rolling, terrifying
and yet, also,
  natural:
letting go, beyond
  control. No
control, overwhelmed
  at peace
rolling in the storm,
rolling in the storm.
A bird above
  buffeted in the wind
  floating this way,
  and that,
rolling in the waves.

And so, to home.

Sunday Sitting

Sitting in a jungle
with screaming
war parties of children
on the prowl; cascading
cars washing, ripping
saws, and crowds of
noisy crows . . . let alone
my head's non-stop talk.
This is silence.

Myorei

A wild, proud horse running strongly yet totally open to the unconscious feeling of air in the nostrils, of rushing blood, of rippling muscles. Manifesting energy without tension, at one with the environment, ready for all occurrences. Buddha Nature is always here; to be a true horse or human is to be truly alive.

Reflective thinking makes it more difficult for humans than for animals, plants or mountains. Our conditioned nature thinks there is something we don’t have that we need and/or inversely something that we have that we don’t want.

Run in the hills instead of on the plains, don’t be a fragrant red rose but a fragile blue poppy. Ever since we were born everything has supported the idea that we need to get something that we don’t have - a new car, a good job, be smarter, a better body, happiness, peace of mind, realization. We are always dualistically trying to grasp something outside of ourselves instead of finding satisfaction in the right now. Of course, right now can be painful. Then there is nothing else to do than to accept the pain and not reject this part of life right now. It will come to vanish by itself or one will develop the insight of the right action to change the course of events. It is OK to plan for the future or to stop on-going occurrences, but do it without the element of rejection, more like a wise strategy to support oneself, to take care of one’s life. One needs to attend to oneself, not to fix oneself.

Always remember that Buddha Nature is already here and just needs uncovering. Trust, relax and enjoy but commit to make a great effort. At first it is for sure not easy when one is confronted with one’s demons; to sit still and experience them, live with them, make peace with them and wait for Buddha Nature to reappear.

Centre News

The Annual Administration Meeting was held January 18 th. Reports were given by the Facilitator, Treasurer and Abbot. The reports indicated the Zen Centre and the practise were steady and settling into a post-renovation pattern.

The times for morning zazen were questioned. People wondered if other times would be more suitable. At present zazen is 6am – 7:30am Tuesday to Friday. If anyone would consider sitting at a different time please let Eshin know at 879.0229 or eshin@zen.ca. Thank you.

The end of the year was recognized in the traditional practise of a 'Grand Cleaning' of the Centre and grounds on December 31st. It was also a time to feel deep gratitude for the people that have helped the Centre grow this year through coming to practise, in donations, and in giving of their time in projects.

The New Year and a new start was affirmed with a pot-luck lunch next day.

Sadly, very few members attended these two functions. It is a time for the sangha to meet and enjoy itself. Let’s hope Buddha’s Birthday in spring will have a better turnout.

Sesshins. For 2003 we’ve decided to make one sesshin run from Sunday morning to Saturday evening. It was thought this format may be better suited to people with Monday to Friday work, just five work days are needed. One other sesshin will run Wednesday morning to Tuesday evening. This style needs only one weekend to be available. Later in the year we can review which styles seem best for people.

It’s good to see folks from Victoria , Prince George and Dawson Creek attending – Eshu, Moreen, Larry, Jeremy, Rick, Edward, Judith, Dorothy, and Patrick.

Spring Yard Sale as fund raiser!!! Please start searching for items to donate and let Eshin know you have some. You’ll be contacted closer to the sale for when it’s time to bring them over to the centre.

Gardening has become a practise activity for the last couple of years. It requires a commitment to help regularly, every week or two, throughout the year. Garden practise includes garden planning, plant choices, caring for the soil, pruning and composting. So far Eshin, Gareth and Corinne have been the team but others are always welcome to participate.

Maintenance at the Centre -

A small addition to the stairwell storage is planned. One day the sangha room benches will be sanded and refinished. The only significant item that may come is zendo tanhs. There seems to be several views on this so a meeting will no doubt be called to air options.

Please feel free to send articles, poems, stories, etc for the newsletter. The form is up to you but should show your Zen experiences and realizations in a way that is of help to others.

The Zen Centre has some boxes of Eiju incense available for $15. Eiju is an excellent sandalwood incense for home use.

Sangha News

Eshin, Eshu and Myorei have just returned from the January Mt Baldy Zen Center sesshin with Roshi. Nathan also attended but is staying through the next sesshin there.

Koshin and Soshin have moved from Mt Baldy Zen Center to Vashon Island by Seattle . They are starting the Puget Sound Zen Center. It’s now the closest Rinzai-ji center to Vancouver and Victoria. To help support the new center they are making robes and cushions. Email info@pszen.org for styles, colours, prices and information or just to send your best wishes.

Jason Michas has moved to Toronto . Best wishes for the move planned to further his musical career. A recent email from him indicates things are looking good.

Eshu Karl Martin and his family – Niki, Kigen and Dottie - have moved. The Victoria zendo is presently in transition.

Paul Frost is now an ‘at home’ father. He took a generous settlement with his employer while his wife Fiona works at the job she loves. He sits at home and is able to attend the monthly zazen-kais.

Gareth returned in December from an extended tour of China . Needless to say, he was fascinated and had plenty of opportunities to practise Chinese, which he’s studying in Vancouver .

Good to see Fred and Louise finding time for the zendo on a regular basis. They are long time students of Roshi who have been very involved with their family for many years.

Contributions

The Centre asks for a contribution from its friends. This is a way to support the Zen Centre itself and to repay benefits from the Centre’s practise. A contribution of $20 per month is expected and many contribute $35 or $50 per month.

A great thank you for all the donations this summer and fall from Adrian, Benny, Betsy, Bill, Branko, Brent, Brian, Bruce, Chris M, Chris R, Corinne, Dale 1, Dale 2, Dorothy and Patrick, Fred and Louise, Gladys, Gordon D, Greg, Hosen, Ian, Ivan, J B, Jason and Laura, Jason M, Jerry, Josie, Kazumi, Keith, Ken S, Kyira, Marcel, Martina, Masaru, Michael L, Moreen, Naomi, Paul C, Paul F, Peggy, Peter, Ric, Roy, Steve H, Steve J, Steve W, Stuart, Susan and the many anonymous donors. Thank you !!